CLAFLIN HALL—As students begin to consider their housing options for next year, sources confirmed that freshman Andrea Cook (CAS ’18) is frustrated after a recent epiphany that living in Boston is really fucking expensive.

“My friend Kate and I were hoping to get a two bedroom apartment in Back Bay,” Cook explained, half-heartedly refreshing Zillow again.

“Well, let me tell you, I couldn’t even find parking spots in Boston for my original budget.” Cook said in disbelief.  “Also, like, what the hell is a security deposit?“

Cook isn’t the only student who is troubled by such exorbitant housing costs.

Freshman Eric Rhodes (CAS ‘18) lamented: “My job at FitRec isn’t gonna cover even half of my expected rent for next year. And I already checked – landlords don’t accept convenience points.”

“I got really lucky,“ said Nathan Landes (CAS ’15),  “I have a delightful apartment near Park Drive, and I love it. Plus, I only had to sell one of my kidneys on the internet in order to pay for it!” Landes said happily.

At press time, Cook was calculating how many month’s rent she could get in exchange  for her first born.

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