Photoshopped by Shannon Damiano (COM '22)
Emma Simonoff (COM '21)

Emma Simonoff is a Sophomore studying Film and TV.

Self-proclaimed “Mom Friend” Tammy Hill immediately started sobbing Tuesday night when a Tiger Beat quiz revealed that she is actually the “Little Bitch Baby Friend.”

Hill now claims to be suffering an identity crisis. “I built my whole life around being The Mom Friend. Look at all my sweaters!” she said while pointing to a stack of sweaters and eating a Fruit by the Foot. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“Sure, we knew she was the Little Bitch Baby Friend,” an anonymous source close to Hill said. “But of course we couldn’t tell her that. She’s a little bitch baby.”

Amber Hutchinson, quiz-confirmed “Queen Bee Friend”, claimed to have been saying that Hill is a little bitch baby for years. “She makes us listen to radio edits. How even old is she?”

After taking the quiz four more times, Hill emailed Tiger Beat’s Editor in Chief to complain of a bug. When she didn’t get a response after 45 seconds, Hill took to Twitter to attack the brand: “@TigerBeat is a bunch of meanies whose quizzes lie!! I am the mom friend. I give amazing advice and I demand that my friends do what I say every minute of every day and they love it!!!”

Tiger Beat tweeted a response to the rampage saying, “There is no error in our quizzes. Tiger Beat is not responsible for your lack of self awareness.”

Brenda Carlyle, Head of Research at the Anthropology Institute of America, said Tammy Hill’s story has inspired a study. “Quantifying ‘Little Bitch Baby-ness’ will be a challenge,” she said. “But it’s a challenge our team is excited to take on.” A study of this caliber will surely be revolutionary in the anthropological field. Friend groups everywhere will be questioning their dynamics.

The Institute plans to follow up their research with a study on the “Brutally Honest Friend” who is actually “Just a Bitch”.

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