CLOUD 9, MASSACHUSETTS—The blessed soul of former Boston mayor Thomas Menino ascended to the bright kingdom of heaven on Thursday morning, which has resembled Menino’s ideal Boston for all of eternity.

“I always knew I had things right!” Menino said, pausing to receive a kiss on the hand from Mother Theresa outside of heaven’s Thinking Cup on heaven’s Boylston Street. “I just feel so blessed.”

Menino, having sprouted wings, then dipped his feet in heaven’s Charles River, which has mystically adhered to EPA water quality regulations since Our Father willed it so, blessed be his name.

“It’s beautiful!” Menino continued, looking out upon heaven’s beautiful downtown area, rife with sensibly priced apartment buildings and various restaurants and casual eateries in Back Bay and Beacon Hill.

“We’re happy to welcome such a great man into our Kingdom,” said Saint Peter at his toll booth to heaven’s Mass Pike. “He’s already done so much for us.”

Menino then took the first pitch at heaven’s Fenway Park, before heaven’s Red Sox finished their two-thousand-fourteenth straight World Series victory against hell’s New York Yankees by a score of 61-7.

At press time, three archangels and Saint Gabriel were still waiting for a Green Line train but seemed pretty upbeat.

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