WARREN TOWERS—Boston University was pleased to announce that 2018 has yielded the largest freshman class in its history. Due to the increased class size, however, BU has exceeded the maximum number of housing slots by one student. That one student is Paul Kowalski, who was placed on the third floor of Warren Towers. We reached out to him for comment.
“They told me they opened up extra accommodation for me,” said Kowalski, who sat cross legged on a mattress in the parking garage of Warren Towers. He was surrounded by several plastic bins full of clothes, toiletries, and various electronics. He claimed to have had a box of snacks as well, but a pack of rats coordinated and had somehow stolen it while he was sleeping. “The administration assured me they had renovated some unused space to make more room for me.”
Seemingly the only renovation made was a single toilet in the janitor’s closet, which BU’s administration claimed made the space “technically livable, so you can’t sue us.” When we attempted to press them on further ethical concerns surrounding the housing, the lady on the phone began playing “Play That Funky Song” by Alvin and the Chipmunks on repeat until we gave up and left. Currently, Kowalski is attempting to organize a march against unethical housing. Unfortunately, the march is failing to gain much traction because Kowalski is the only student with this problem.