ALLSTON, MA—A new Juul flavor is steaming up the basements of Allston, and its popularity amongst BU students is infectious. Mononucleosis, or mono, is a viral sensation amongst Juul users.
After a year of battling court cases and “health concerns,” it seems Juul has once again found its stride in combining the two most popular things among every college-age vape user: communicable disease and novelty.
“It feels like the natural next step,” Amanda Giorden (CFA ’19) said. “Instead of hitting random Juuls at sketchy parties in hopes of getting mono, I can just cut out the middleman and give it to myself whenever I want.”
“Last weekend, this kid let me use his Juul, and it turned out to be mono,” said Ben Kooze (COM ’22). “It was so sick, in both ways. I haven’t gotten out of bed since. Can’t wait to share it with all my friends!”
This new foray into disease pods has proven so popular among users that other flavors now rumored to be in development include norovirus, meningitis, and the Black Plague.
“I can’t find a Plague pod, but I hear it’s to die for,” Kooze said. “I got a guy in Allston that might be able to give it to me.” He then clarified that the “guy” in question is a local rat.
The general consensus appears to be that it’s lame to contract mono through kissing or close, physical contact with another human being. Now, users can finally reach for their Juuls, and get all the mono with none of the cooties.