MARSH PLAZA—Sources have learned that over 300 people have rebuffed handouts from pamphlet holder Jonathan Thompson in the past six hours.
“It just doesn’t make sense,” said the 43 year-old Thompson. “If I have incredibly pressing information about Jesus Christ, then the community has to hear about it, right? And what better way to do that then stand here and thrust it into their faces?“ He said, while distributing pamphlets written entirely in Comic Sans.
“It’s gotta be them, not me,” he continued, placing his hands on his hips and pouting. “I’m not doing anything wrong. Right?”
Thompson says that frequent passers-by of Marsh Plaza appear to be more interested in their iPhones or the ground, but curiously only when approaching him.
“It’s like, do I smell? I’m pretty sure I don’t smell. And even if I do, that’s rude of people to not pay attention because they have somewhere to be, when I’ve been out here for three days without showering.”
“Wait, hold on,” Thompson interjected as a faculty member approached. “Sir? Care to learn about the– not today? Well, maybe some other day, then.”
Despite reportedly going two straight days without a single positive verbal exchange, Thompson’s efforts have not gone unnoticed by Boston University students.
“Wait, what?” said Andy Elliott (SMG ‘15). “You mean the guy who always stuffs shit in my face when I’m on my way to class thinks that I should apologize?”
“Fat fucking chance,” Elliott continued. “Now can you move, please? It’s Make a Difference Monday at Warren.”
At press time, an anonymous student was seen taking a flyer from Thompson, exchanging pleasantries, and depositing it in the nearest recycling bin.