By Charlotte Howard
It was a dark and stormy night. Foggy, misty, and hard to see further than one foot in front of you. Anna Dominguez was on her walk home from work listening to Phoebe Bridgers when she saw the outline of a herd in the distance. They got closer and closer, and Anna was scared. She removed a singular Airpod and readied herself with her pepper spray and rape whistle.
Fourteen blonde girls sprawled the width of the entire street, wind blowing on them with a JBL speaker in hand as they blasted Doses and Mimosas. Anna let out a sigh of relief. As she got closer to them, she saw that all their shirts read, ‘Mormon’ written multiple times in the same font. In small font, the letters of their sorority identified them as sisters of Kappa Kappa Tappa.
Meet Betsy. Betsy, founder of the Boston-wide Marmon holiday and President of Kappa Kappa Tappa here at Boston University, is a bit of a local living legend. After visiting her high school best friend at Tulane, she demanded that BU adopt something similar in size and scale to Mardi Gras. She decided to keep the M and change the rest up a little. After nights of hard work and designing her shirts on CustomInk, she pressed send and realized her grave mistake: she had put an O instead of an A in “Marmon.” 200 shirts were on their way, so she had no choice but to improvise, adapt, and overcome. She hastily took to her chapter chat.
GROUP ME:@Tappa Bu CHAPTER Chat:
Betsy S.:“Hey guys! T-12 DAYS until the holiday we have all been waiting for. Here are some outfit inspirations from Tulane’s Mardi Gras, if you all wanna spice it up. WEAR lots of colors or else:) Bringing a disposable film camera is mandatory during this holiday season. We are trying to be more active on @BuTappafilm. I wanted to give a general update on the shirts. We just received shipment but it is misspelled and says MORMON, instead.
The colors are beautiful and I don’t think anyone will notice, so I’m still making it mandatory to wear your shirt on the holiday. Can’t wait! Only 12 more days!!”
[Sarah is typing… Jane is typing… Juliana is typing… just kidding, they all stopped. Now Betsy was getting nervous so she started typing because her message was “READ BY” 188 members…]
Sarah Replied: “MORMONS REPRESENT!!! All good queen, the colors are quite beautiful and they will def make a pop on the day.”
Phew, Betsy was in the clear. The big day was here. April 18th finally arrived. Girls gaggled in G-Court, as they funneled their sorrows away. 10 middle-aged Mormons walked through the court chanting, “ABSTINENCE IS KEY.” The Mormons asked out loud, “What happened to the guy who didn’t choose the bread of life?” The sorority girls answered, “he was TOAST.”
The Mormons breathed deeply as the sorority girls threw a piece of toast up in the air to celebrate how well the holiday went.
Betsy stood up and took a nice big bite out of that dave’s killer bread thinly sliced toast with vegan butter. She screamed: “We did it GALS, or should I say Mormons??!!!!!!”