Proud Iowan turned Jet-setting flirt Kaden Khak (CFA ’24) recently announced that he was calling it quits with high-school sweetheart Erin Parr.

“It was a tough call, having to drop Mahaska County’s three-year Corn Queen,” said Khak, who lives in West. “But I needed to spread my wings and hitch up with someone a little closer to home.”

Khak added that he would immediately begin filling the new hole in his heart with Jordan Murphy (CAS ’24), a resident of the Towers – a dorm for which Khak lacks swipe access.

The freshman explained that he met Jordan while waiting for a COVID test, two weeks before his break-up, and that the new lovebirds have been going strong ever since.

“At first, I thought she just didn’t care about distancing guidelines,” he said. “But then she made those eyes at me during her nasal swab, and I realized that standing too close was just her way of making the first move.”

Scheduling conflicts have meant that the pair is not able to date in-person, but Khak said they keep the magic alive online – connecting over FaceTime dates, Netflix parties, and mask-only mirror selfies in their respective floor bathrooms.

“It’s really not too different than what I was doing with Erin,” Khak said. “But at least Jordan’s drab, white walls and cheap LEDs match mine enough that I can pretend she’s really with me.”

According to Jordan, Khak stands in his window every morning, waiting for the chance to wave as she makes her way back from soccer practice. Although she often struggles to find his window or make out his silhouette, she said that romantic moments on Zoom more than make up for the distance.

They frequently “spice things up” with candle-lit virtual backgrounds and screen-shared jazz, Jordan added.

“Sometimes, I’ll use the gallery view and angle my computer so I’m just at the edge of the camera,” she said. “It’s like virtual cuddling. And with everything going on right now, sometimes that’s all I need.”

AT PRESS TIME – Khak was seen wandering the halls of Claflin,apparently searching for a more local fling.

“Romance is important,” he told the Bunion, “but I’m honestly just horny.”

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