By Sam Vatalaro

Boston University. A school with a long, proud history, full of altruistic deeds, great alumni, and distinguished faculty.

This is not about any of those. Instead, here are 5 half-truths that I can’t really find evidence against, but can kind-of, sort-of, back up from contextual clues. Because really, what screams “BU pride” more than scrounging for half-truths to tell potential applicants?

1)    Joe Rogan Taught Kickboxing at FitRec

Yes, that Joe Rogan. We don’t know if Joe Rogan ever claimed to be a terrier, but we do know that before he made it big in the reality TV-announcing world, he lived and worked in Boston, “teaching martial arts” at area colleges- including BU. So let’s go ahead and claim him! Or not. Maybe not.

2)     Jenna Marbles Got Stuck in the Astronomy Wing Elevator

Everyone’s favorite Youtuber got her masters at BU, so it’s safe to assume that at some point she, like the rest of us, had to face the terrifying elevators in CAS and maybe even got stuck in one. Jenna, if you’re reading this- please feel free to confirm or deny. We love you. Come back.

3)    The Gardner Museum Heist was Done By BU Students

The world’s most expensive art heist was pulled off in the wee hours of March 18th, 1990- if it wasn’t two drunk BU undergrads on their way home after day-drinking themselves to oblivion on St. Patrick’s Day, then who the fuck was it? I’ll take that $10 million reward for solving it in cash, please. Or just put it towards my tuition.

4)    President Brown is An Enemy Spy

He worked for MIT. What more do I need to say? He’s just been playing the long con, getting in position to sabotage us and sell our campus to those engineers across the river. How quickly we were all fooled by that little rolly bag.

5)    Warren Towers is a Ghost- and Demon-Summoning Hotspot Like That One Building in Ghostbusters with the Statues on the Roof that the Marshmallow Man Destroys

No citations necessary. 

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