CAS—As students eagerly began their first classes of the semester on Thursday, Professor Greg Boyle remained stone-faced towards his new group of students enrolled in his macroeconomics class.

“My friends call me Ry-dog, everybody knows that’s me,” says Ryan “Ry-dog” Addams (CAS ‘20), “but when I tried to tell Professor Boyle that, all he did was say, ‘Yeah right’ and laugh at me. That shit hurts!”

Professor Boyle, a tenured professor in BU’s economics department, explained that it’s not that he doesn’t care about his students, but that he simply just doesn’t give a damn if you prefer Moomoo to Margaret.

“Nope. Not a single one” he told us.

“I tried wearing a nametag, writing my name in size 14 font while the rest of my paper was in 12. Anything that grabbed his attention” reported Chris “Grand Master Jones ” Jones (CGS ‘19). “One time I corrected him in class and he threw a coat over me. As if Grand Master Jones couldn’t deflect that! Ha!”

At press time, Professor Boyle was seen filing a restraining order against Grand Master Jones.

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