Photoshopped by Shannon Damiano (COM '22),
CJ Zachara (COM '21)

CJ is a senior in COM studying Film and Television. He is from Maplewood, New Jersey.

It has come to the attention of The Bunion that President Brown of Boston University may in fact be made of glass. Recent research suggests there are no bones or skin making up the man known as Robert A. Brown. Here is a breakdown of the findings. 

  1. No one has seen him fall

Have you ever seen President Brown walking down campus? Neither has anyone in the Bunion organization. This means, however, that no one has seen him trip and fall and get up unharmed. Maybe he is never seen around because he is a danger to himself when he is out and about. Avoiding hard surfaces like streets and sidewalks protect his precious glass surface from scratches and cracks.

President's Profile | Office of the President

  1. He shines sometimes

Just look at OUR president in this photograph. Those cheeks. That forehead. Glistening in the light. It’s incredible that we can’t see the photographers reflection, but that’s just the angle. Do any of you shine like that? No way. That is UNDOUBTEDLY the shine of smooth glass. 

  1. ROBERT A BROWN

“Robert A Brown” is 12 letters. Ya know what else takes 12 letters to spell? “I AM A GLASS MAN”. Boom. Read between the lines people, he has been telling us all along. 

  1. BUILDINGS!

Stuvi 2. The Kilachand Center towering over COM. Bay State dining hall. The upcoming Data Jenga tower. What do these have in common? They were all built during Brown’s time. And they are all GLASS. GLASS. These buildings are commemorative statues, self portraits if you will. Architectural masterclasses in glass technology. There is no doubt a glass man would love this idea. 

Stay vigilant people. Open your eyes. The signs are all there, we just compiled them into a list for you. Next time you see him, give him a tight handshake and see if his hand crunches. Or blow on him to see if your breath fogs his surface!! 

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