Photoshopped by Lauren Kelmar (COM '21).
Maddy Schmidt (COM '21)

Maddy Schmidt is a senior from New Jersey studying Film & TV. She is a Wii bowling prodigy and is blocked on twitter by Drake Bell (Campana).

Catapulting off of the success of Spotify’s “2020 Wrapped” playlists comes Instagram’s newest feature, Instagram Wrapped, where you can see the top 5 people you stalked in 2020. And much like Spotify’s 2020 wrapped page, where you can see which artists have been the most popular, Instagram has made some predictions as to who we’ve all been stalking.

1. Your boyfriend’s ex

According to Instagram’s algorithms, activity among female users peaks from 1-3am, when gals across the globe are stalking their boyfriend’s ex. Was she prettier than you? Is she still interested in him? Has he been liking her posts? Instagram Wrapped will also show you how many times you’ve accidentally liked her picture from 2015, and how many times you dropped your phone on your face while scrolling.

2. your ex

Instagram Wrapped reveals you’ve been stalking your ex, even though he’s notoriously “not into” social media. Has his last post (a super far away pic of him on a hike in 2016) gotten any new likes? He may not have posted in 4 years, but he just followed someone new, and hot. Which leads us to…

3. the girl you think your ex might be talking to even though you have absolutely no proof

You have stalked this girl for hours on end, searching for any tiny morsel of a connection between her and your ex. This has proven difficult since she’s private, and following her would be waaay too obvious. Instagram Wrapped also keeps track of how many fake accounts you’ve created specifically to do your late-night lurking.

4. your ex’s ex

You’ve basically been searching for the same clues as for your current boyfriend’s ex, but this one is slightly lower stakes. Although it will still sting if you find out he has in fact gotten over you. Instagram Wrapped can’t tell you that, but it can tell you how many tears fell on your phone screen while you were reminiscing about how good it was until you ruined it, Kyle!!!!

5. jameela al-jamil

This one is unanimous across all Instagram users. You just gotta keep up with all the new weird humble-braggy ways she’s checking her privilege.

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