Photoshopped by Maddy Schmidt (COM '21)
Maddy Schmidt (COM '21)

Maddy Schmidt is a sophomore from New Jersey studying Film & TV. She likes kombucha for the taste.

ASHFORD STREET—Friday was an eventful day for frat brothers Michael Flaherty (CAS ‘20) and Cole (COM ‘19). Famed organizing consultant Marie Kondo came from her beautiful native Japan to equally beautiful Ashford Street with a seemingly impossible task: to help these frat bros tidy up.

When Marie walked through the door, the room physically brightened. She had found a light switch hidden behind some kegs, and turned on the lights for the first time in five years. She introduced herself to the bros, who bowed because they thought that was the move, and asked them why they want to take this tidying journey.

“No one wants to live here ‘cause it’s so gross,” Flaherty told us. “My girlfriend refuses to come over till we clean. It’s definitely causing a riff in our relationship.”

Marie began by introducing herself to the house, which the bros lovingly named “Trashford Palace.” She kneeled, placing her palms on the ground, while the bros closed their eyes and thanked Trashford Palace for all the “darties, mixers, and keggers” it’s held in its four walls.

Then, she imparted her first piece of wisdom to the bros: “The floor, it’s sticky,” she said wistfully. They all laughed.

As the bros dumped all of their clothes onto their beds, they were asked to pick up each item and only keep it if it “sparked joy.”

“Aw, dude, Becky left her bra here. That definitely sparks joy, am I right Marie? Up top!” Her translator declined to translate.

“Dude, this cup is from my first-ever kegger here when I was just a pledge,” said Flaherty, tearfully picking up a crushed red solo cup from behind his bed. “This has been here since 2016. If this doesn’t spark joy, I don’t know what does.”

The bros ended up throwing out all of their plates, vegetables, silverware, and cleaning fluid. Teary-eyed, they expressed their gratitude the only way they knew how.

“Thank you so much Marie, you’re totally invited to our rave tonight. Just bring like three more girls.”

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