DORM OF NAIVE FOOL—BU sophomore, Jordan Deflipo’s reality crumbled last week when he saw a mortal man dropping off his condoms in the mail.
Jordan was awoken early last Wednesday by his own excitement. In his sleep-cap and nightgown, he scampered toward the mailroom, but arrived a moment too early.
“I saw him. Not a pixie, not a sprite. A man, with flesh and blood, and a visage not much different than mine own. He was dropping the condoms into the mailbox, while he nibbled on the apricot tart I had left for the Condom Fairy.”
“I thought at first he was a thief, come to pillage the bounty bestowed upon me by the latex sprite herself. But no! His name was Darren and he worked for USPS. He thanked for me years of tart, and then left on his dumb human legs.”
When The Bunion asked Deflipo how long he had believed in the Condom Fairy, he responded, “My RA told tale of the fairy when I was young boy of 18. I thought if I was good, kind and full of mirth, the winged watcher would offer safety, and protect me from the spill of love. Whenever I saw people with children, I would think, ‘naughty, naughty, forsaken by the fairy’.”
So what will Jordan do now? He offers a somber chuckle.
“I’ve been asking myself recently, what was it all for? The kindness, the months of caroling, the renouncement of the Christian God and the church of my father? The condoms would have come either way. From Darren. The good are not rewarded. The evil are not punished. There is no moral order to this world. Just chaos. So what will I do now? I guess just keep getting that gud gud. It’s usually pretty fun.”
The Bunion last saw Darren buying condoms while sobbing at CVS. It looked kinda awkward.
Editor’s Note: The Condom Fairy was last spotted in March 2014 revealing his identity to another unsuspecting student. Click here to read more!