By: Yael Hayem

You heard that correctly. Recently, a new trend on campus has been circulating, and none of the dining hall staff is safe.

“What startles me the most at the end of my shift is when I’m clearing plates and suddenly two students pop out from nowhere, laying on top of each other naked double-decker bus style” says Debbie, a new kitchen staff employee.

“They just all come towards me…Who’s gonna tell them to stop?”

Unclear what Brayden (QST 23) and Cassandra (CFA 25) were doing on the conveyor belt exactly, but last week they were caught fornicating on the Warren escalator. 

The trend started days after the release of a student short film titled “Carried Into the Abyss.” The film, inspired by the indie-underground Dreamworks classic Flushed Away, in which a rat gets flushed down a toilet, centers Clara, a BU girl-next-door student who shrinks in size. In the film, Clara receives an MRI on the Marciano dining hall trash conveyor belt. Serious concern as to what brand of horse tranquilizers the Film & TV screenwriting student had taken while crafting this plot point, but this phenomenon has plagued the entire student body.

It’s been weeks since people started launching themselves into heaps of trash as they get carried away into the “abyss”, and the hashtag “#RidingDirty” has infiltrated Instagram feeds to no end. But the question still remains: what lies on the other side of that ominous conveyor belt?

“Shame. And, well… my hand on the student’s necks as I force them to swallow each dirty plate. Kinda like a garbage disposal system? No? Okay.” Debbie sighed, wiping the blood and dirt off her apron.

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