CAS LECTURE HALL—Last week, students in Philosophy 101 were shocked to witness their professor refer to a student by an all-too-familiar name.

As a young female student approached his desk to turn in her midterm, Professor John Watts (CAS ‘89) smiled at her and said, “Thanks, Mom.”

The student, Imanot Yurmom (CAS ‘22), who is, at least to The Bunion’s knowledge, not his biological mother, was left speechless.

In the moment of silence that followed, every pair of eyes in the 300-student lecture slowly rose in disbelief.

Professor Watts only continued to smile in agony as he contemplated the words he had said seconds earlier, words that would go down in history.

The silence only grew. The words echoed through the lecture hall, down Commonwealth Avenue, and into every dormitory and classroom of Boston University.

The entire student body—all 32,551 students—stopped dead in their tracks. Athletes froze. Pedestrians shook. Every napping COM student awoke.

Over 10,000 faculty members heard the cursed words. The RA’s on call, Emergency Facilities, the Warren Omelette Lady, and Rhett himself stood in awe at whatever the fuck had just happened in CAS lecture hall 325.

The words traveled far across the globe and graced the ears of all BU alumnus in existence. Martin Luther King Jr. rolled in his grave. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez stopped mid-inaugural address, petrified.

Finally, Yurmom bravely broke the silence, speaking the words that would end the reign of terror.

“You’re welcome, son,” Yurmom replied, kissing him on the forehead and handing him his lunchbox.

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