EAST CAMPUS 一 Steven Smith (CAS ‘25) walked into the Marciano dining hall today under the impression that there would be a big buffet surprise waiting for him and all the students at BU. Smith was unfortunately late in understanding what Marmon meant. 

In an exclusive interview with The Bunion, Smith said that he did see a gaggle of girls on his floor heading west on Commonwealth. 

“It confused me because the line was supposed to start here on East campus.”

Smith then began to eat his waffle, eggs and bacon on the top floor of Marciano as hoards of students made their way into Allston.

The Bunion writers who were most definitely not partying in Allston and only there for business purposes were able to interview Smith’s roommates and other acquaintances about why he missed them memo.

“Oh yeah, that dude lives under a rock,” said Smith’s roommate Brad Barker (CAS ‘25). “He told me he never reads his emails anyway so no wonder. Now if you would excuse me, I have to try to get with this girl real quick before she goes to another house.”

“I matched with him on Tinder,” said Stacy Hilton (COM ‘25) “He seemed cute but I got weird vibes when he started telling me he doesn’t believe in zodiac signs and his favorite movie is still Wolf of Wall Street and I’m just not about that.” 

“Who?” said Kyle Kylerson (QST, 25) “Oh yeah that dude’s in my writing class. He’s kinda weird. Wait, how do you know I know him?” Kylerson then proceeded to vomit onto the sidewalk and was unavailable for further comment. 

Following a rooftop collapse, a majority of students went back home to study for exams they are most definitely not prepared for.

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