Photoshopped by Cassie Berta (COM '21)
Hannah Petosa (COM '20)

Hannah is a Junior from South Florida studying Film & TV. She has been writing and performing comedy since she was 15.

WARREN TOWERS — As the spring semester quickly approaches, lower classmen are dealing with the repercussions of having horrible registration times.

One student, Martha Blipley (COM ‘23), was assigned to register for classes at the end of November.

“I wanted to take COM 201, but that doesn’t look like an option for me anymore,” Blipley said. When asked why not, she responded with, “Well, my registration day is November 31st. I don’t know how that’s going to work…”

Many students are struggling with the list of classes they will have to take next semester to fulfill their Hub requirements. Some courses have been leaked to The Bunion and boy, do they sound nasty. Anal Retention Rates, for example. What does that even mean?

Tom Pollack (CAS ‘22) shared some similar disappointments.

“I’m really frustrated if I’m being honest here. It’s just not fair that I’m a philosophy major, but have to take a class called Animal Mating Studies next semester. I don’t want to watch animals have sex. I’m a virgin for Christ’s sake!”

Pollack is not the only student frustrated with the lack of classes being offered next semester. Various students reported that they will be taking courses such as President Brown’s Bowel Movements, Trump’s Marital Affairs, Dishwasher Hospitality, and the Anatomy of Dead Possums and Only Dead Possums.

At press time, an anonymous source shared that there is a way to avoid getting shitty classes next semester. The secret? Transfer.

Leave a Reply