Photoshopped by Rita Oulds
Lily Dales

Lily Dales (CAS '21) is an English and history major from Dallas, TX. Catch her accidentally falling on Comm Ave (she's quirky and can't help it). If you are going to speak to her in Spanish, please address her in the formal "usted."

I can’t be the only person unhinged enough to have thought about eating the Muppets. Oh, I am? Read this article and tell me it doesn’t make you hungry for some freshly cooked Muppet. Also, please let me know if I can still call myself a vegan if I hypothetically ate one of these delicious-looking mfs.

  1. Miss Piggy

Miss Piggy would definitely be the most delicious Muppet, bar none. She is a bit thick, so I think she would be kind of fattening. To state the obvious, you could make Miss Piggy bacon. But have you thought of turning her into a honey-baked ham? Imagine eating that on a Sunday night. And then the leftovers? Scrumptious! You could make a delicious sandwich on Hawaiian rolls with leftover honey-baked ham. 

 

  1. Gonzo

First of all, I would definitely cut off his nose because that thing is gross. But I think Gonzo would taste like chicken. He has major chicken energy, you know? And his wife is part chicken, so maybe the flavor rubbed off?  In conclusion, I would really like to turn Gonzo into nuggets and dip him in some Polynesian sauce.

 

  1. Bert and Ernie

I’m not a total sadist, so I would never separate these iconic “roommates” by eating only one. I would roast them and eat them both with a side of sweet potato and broccoli. Bert and Ernie are a great source of lean protein, and gym bros across the land would eat them post-workout.

 

  1. Kermit

All I can say is I want him in a spring roll. ‘Nuff said!

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