By: Luciano Foranoce (CAS ’24)
???, MA — Oh great, another Saturday stupor walk home. But wait, where am I? Who the fuck is Simmons?? Where is Rhett??? Okay okay okay let’s think back… I took the BU bus here, before that I was at my friend’s dorm in Myles and… oh shit! We lit up the evil wizard weed! That shit messes with your very grasp of the fabric of reality, no wonder I’m lost. Could be worse though, could be like Jimmy. We kept telling him not to challenge the infinite cosmos to beer pong. Oh well. Well if I took the BU bus here, it must be on campus, right? I just have to find the most mid dining hall, and— This can’t be… this late night food actually smells good! Wait a second… is this that “Fenway” “Campus” I’ve been hearing about. Huh. No wonder I’m super lost, literally who even lives here?
What is that? That smell… crayons? That sound…a shitty, forced, inexperienced British accent. They’re saying something… “So I actually spent a semester in London, it was really enriching—” Oh no. Now I know why I’ve heard of Fenway campus. It’s where they stuck the CGS freshmen— I can feel the pretentiousness from here. Look, it’s Brookline Ave, and the walk sign is about to go red. If I go fast enough I can lose them, because lord knows CGS freshmen don’t know how to jaywalk! OMGosh, it’s the Citgo Sign, I think?! There’s that stupid “Whoop” sign in the way, and I refuse to make that my new landmark.
Almost back, I just have to go through Fenway. But wait, who is that? A group of six girls walking single-file blocking the entire sidewalk?? I’m way too high to engage with a bunch of… “Emmanuel College” students? What even is an Emmanuel College? Surely I’m hallucinating them, I’ve never heard of such a place. Oh well, time to run directly through them.
Weird, I don’t remember there being a statue of Artoo right outside of Fenway Park. Oh shit, it’s following me on two legs… radical. Bro what’s up, how’ve you been? Me? I’m just vibin’ off of this truly primordial weed my buddy’s got. Oh word? That’s how I can even see you? Sick. Yeah I’m just trying to find my way back to actual BU campus. You can take me there? All I have to do is open my eyes? What does that even me—.
“Dude, wake up!”
“Dude you took one baby hit of my weed and passed out.”