Oh, America – a bastion of prosperity, land of opportunity, and, most importantly, home of Toyotathon. America has long been a global leader, proving time and time again with our grit and determination that America is number 1. And when covid came, we once again rose to the occasion – becoming the number 1 country in the world for both cases AND deaths! Needless to say, it’s no secret which country dominates- USA baby!

Nearly one year out from the beginning of the pandemic in America, schools have reopened, restaurants are filling up, and people in Florida aren’t even wearing masks when they ride their alligators to rob the local Publix. Even though cases are going up, people seem content to live in their covid free fantasy worlds. It’s clear we need strong action – we need a national lockdown. 

Now, I know, Americans don’t care about spreading covid – heck, more than half of them literally seize up at the request to put a piece of cloth over their faces. But, what if I offered a very serious reason we need a lockdown that has nothing to do with Covid at all? 

I need another lockdown so that I can say I’m going to have a transformation, and then do absolutely nothing to make that happen. 

We’ve all been there, you say you’re going to make big changes: get in shape, wake up earlier, maybe even do something wild like trimming your hair one and a half inches. Do we start doing it for 2 days and give up before our dinners of double stuffed Oreos and sangria? That’s not important. 

With a national lockdown in place, we may see a dramatic decrease in Covid deaths and hospitalizations, but we can also do so much more than that, by providing lazy sacks everywhere the opportunity to tell people they’re on a “transformative journey” only to come out of it even greasier and more depressed. 

So if you couldn’t care less about grandma dying, think of all the other people that are in dire need of a lockdown so they can buy a bullet journal and spill coffee on it the next day. For the dreamers, believers, but most definitely not the do-ers, let’s get back inside. 

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