Ambrosia always knew she was different from other girls. A girl as quirky and niche-ly attractive as her needed someone just as unique. All she wanted was to find that perfect indie boy whose nails she could paint and who would gaslight her until the end of time. 

When she finally found someone, she told her friends. Like, TOLD her friends, as in, would not stop talking about him. They shared the same interests (he likes The Strokes, she likes The Strokes) and apparently he was great in bed. Ambrosia would not shut up about his “rock-like physique.” 

Of course, her friends wanted to meet him. He sounded like the man of her dreams. But she put it off because he was always busy. When he wasn’t at the skatepark, he was dedicated to his one true love (other than Ambrosia): his career as a Soundcloud Artist. His music spoke for him; it was overly emotional and angry, but it was his art. 

Ambrosia tried to take her friends to see one of his house shows, but they were confused when they ended up at a farmer’s market where Ambrosia was vibing to music no one else was hearing. 

They finally arranged a meeting. They all had to come to the skate park and meet him in between skate sessions, as he was too busy owning 14-year-olds. Ambrosia’s friends had mixed reviews of her boyfriend. 

“I don’t really know what she sees in him,” said her roommate Alexandria. “He’s kind of…boring?”

“I mean, he didn’t really say anything. He kind of just rolled around. He barely even looked at us,” said her friend Madeline. 

Ambrosia could not believe how rude her friends were to her new beau. How could they not see that they were a perfect couple? Distraught, she ran to the Whole Foods and into the produce section. The last words her friends heard from her were, “his family reunion is in five minutes and I can’t disappoint him!” 

“Umm…all I saw was a coconut in a Carhartt Beanie. I’m not sure if I’m crazy, or if she is,” said her mother Mary-Sue. 

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