Photoshopped by Shannon Damiano (COM '22)
Daniel Kool

Daniel Kool is a Freshman from Minnesota studying Journalism. He plays the banjo but hopes you won’t judge him for it.

GSU BASEMENT – The Howard Thurman Center for Common Ground announced today that it will suspend its traditional “Coffee and Conversation” meeting, instead filling its Friday time slot with “Beer and Belligerency,” to better help the increasingly enraged student body “just vent for a sec.”

Like its predecessor, “Beer and Belligerency” will let students engage in deep political discussions with their peers, but without the shackles of empathy, decency, or sobriety. The center hopes that “loosening these poor kids up” will prove more effective than breakfast blend and mini muffins at triggering a cathartic release.

“It’s really been a long time coming,” explained marketing director Jennifer Grey. “Above all else, Howard Thurman believed in meeting people where they are. Today, the student body is simply too fed up with all of this shit to engage in considerate, empathetic conversation. As a university, it is our duty to respect and support that.”

Grey added that the promise of free, no questions asked booze would also help draw in a younger crowd, and hopefully generate buzz among underclassmen.

Despite some controversy surrounding the program’s effectiveness and the legitimacy of the center’s liquor license, many students are thrilled.

“It’s just so much nicer to vent about politics AT WHATEVER VOLUME I’M PASSIONATE ABOUT USING,” slurred Kyle Sigmann (QST ‘22), already four beers in and spewing his own nonsense at fellow attendees. He welcomes the chance to not, “HAVE TO LISTEN TO A GODDAMN THING THAT IGNORANT DICKHEADS HAVE TO SAY FOR ONCE.”

At press time, the HTC is negotiating a deal with Four-Loko for students still looking to speed boost their thoughts with caffeine.

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