Dear Hiring Manager,
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to apply for the Summer 2021 Marketing Assistant Internship. I found this position via Handshake and was excited to see that you are hiring interns. I believe that my previous experience makes me an ideal candidate for this position.
As an independent business owner, I have worked with a variety of young adults. I primarily serve undergraduate freshman and sophomores and the occasional high school senior. I am deeply familiar with product distribution, as I often make deliveries day or night. My client base understands my impeccable commitment to servicing their needs—whether I sneak in through a window, meet them in an alley at midnight, or in the parking lot of the local Catholic church. I believe my dedication to service proves how passionate I am about providing quality products to those who might otherwise not be able to obtain them because of ageist legislation.
Furthermore, I understand the importance of bringing a high-quality product to the consumer. This is why I buy directly from gas stations, rather than stealing certain products from frat guys or checking the laundry machines at night. While some believe that these recycled goods are on-par, I believe in only selling the real thing. I guarantee my clients authentic-grade products. My personal role models are YouTubers Matty Smokes and Liam Ghosts, Snoop Dogg, and every single member of the cast of Full House. These people inspire me to be the best businessperson I can be and pursue my passions.
While my resume may not have as many impressive titles as other prospective interns, I urge you to look past my academic probation, disciplinary infractions, and brief encounters with the law. I have built a business from the ground up, marketed myself to clientele through word-of-mouth advertising, and successfully earned the nickname “OG Plug.”
Thank you for your time and consideration. I can be reached at any time through my burner phone or via email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Scott Lincoln aka the OG Plug aka Vape Lord on a Skateboard