Does being stuck at home on Saturday nights bore a hole in your heart that only the Allston Crawl can fill? While we can’t bring you to Allston, we can help you bring your favorite parties right to your home, while completely complying with social distancing rules. Follow these steps and you’ll be in for a night you’ll never forget!
1. Find the right area of your house
We all love the disgusting, grimy vibes of Allston’s finest homes. Got a basement? Perfect. If it’s a finished basement, try to unfinish it before your party begins, because you’re really going for a dirty concrete aesthetic. If you don’t have a basement, a garage will do, but it has to be damp! Try to get a humidifier and a space heater to create that funky, “tropical” climate.
2. Have your mom stand outside the party and ask you to name your three brothers
The Allston Crawl is never complete without a frat bro guarding the door unless you can name three brothers. Unfortunately, unless you live with a freshman pledge named Kyle, you’ll have to find a substitute for this role. Have your mom stand outside the party and belligerently ask you what your brothers’ names are. But be careful – get this one wrong and your mom may kick you out of the party and your house for the night.
3. Get a family member to mix you a mystery drink
While nothing can truly capture the nauseating taste of jungle juice, you can come close by asking someone in your family to combine a bunch of random ingredients for you to drink. When your little brother hands you a plastic cup full of anchovy paste, Capri Sun, your parents’ red wine that’s been on the counter for 4 months, and of course, Tide Pod juice, you’ll feel just like you’re stumbling down Ashford.
4. Throw up in the corner
Remember the aforementioned jungle juice? It wouldn’t be a night in Allston without yakking that up in some random corner and just leaving it there for someone else to deal with. Your mom might ask who did it the next morning, but you can always just blame it on your friend (the dog).
5. Don’t invite anyone attractive
In order to really feel those authentic Allston party vibes, you must make sure that no one you are even remotely attracted to is there. This is crucial, and it should be easy too, as you shouldn’t invite anyone to your quarantine party. If there is anyone who is even the least bit appealing at your party it will ruin the illusion, because no one has ever been, or will ever be, genuinely attracted to someone they meet in an Allston basement.
Hopefully this helps you feel a little more connected to BU while you’re away, stay tuned for a guide to setting up cones in your driveway to pretend you’re walking on Comm Ave!