Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21).
CJ Zachara (COM '21)

CJ is a senior in COM studying Film and Television. He is from Maplewood, New Jersey.

Are you feeling a bit down? Deprived of human contact and physical intimacy back on campus during coronavirus? Well, I certainly am, and I’m here to help satisfy your needs. And I’m conveniently located near the BU Beach.

I miss the feel of someone sitting comfortably in my arm, waiting outstretched on this bench. I miss the passionate moments I’ve shared with you all throughout the past year. You need someone and so do I. 

Feel free to come, snuggle up with me, and lay your head on my chiseled chest. I’ll even caress your face with my large, fluffy metal paws. Don’t mind the tail. 

I’m here 24/7, but I’m definitely not your normal booty call. I crave intimacy more than anything. Come lay with me and snuggle romantically to the sound of waves crashing on Storrow Drive. 

I guarantee  walk away feeling fulfilled and satisfied, guaranteed. Just don’t feel offended if I seem cold.

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