Photoshopped by Karen Martinez (COM '22)
Avery Lender (COM '23)

Avery Lender (COM '23) Avery is a freshman from NYC studying Film and TV. She likes long walks to the Baystate dining hall.

Are you sick of seeing your high school friends having a better time at parties than you? Or at least a cooler snapchat story? Here’s a guide on how to make the dankest Allston basement look like a club that would make even a first semester Tulane kid want to transfer.

The Pregame

1. If you don’t want to drink, fill shot glasses with water and post videos of you and your friends clinking and drinking.

2. Post: You blasting music loudly in your room. Don’t post: the RA telling you to keep it down.

3. Make every weekend a holiday to show the fun quirky reason you’re celebrating: “Cheers for the anniversary of John Lennon’s death” is a great example.

4. “Drunkenly” chase with a hilariously unexpected food (i.e. mayo, raw eggs, or your roommate’s pet goldfish).

The Party

1. Misspell words on purpose so it looks like you’re drunk. Bonus: Add unnecessary punctuation, provocative emojis or just a random jumble of letters. 

2. Take a blurry picture of any white kid with dreads and claim Lil Pump has made an appearance.

3. Post: The one crowded corner of the room. Don’t post: the rest of the empty dance floor.

4. No strobe lights? Have a friend put on their phone flashlight and quickly move their hand over it.

5. Just met a girl on the dancefloor? Flash a pic and caption it “sister for life.” Make matching bracelets. Bring her to your family reunion. Take her kidney. #sisters

The After Party

1. Once your friends fall asleep after a late night, be sure to take an unflattering picture of them time stamped at 4 am to show the world they “can’t hang.”

2. Don’t take off your makeup on purpose so that you look extra messy for your private story.

3. Check your friends snapchats to see if you’ve made any appearances. Ooooo, your left knee looks really sexy in that snap video for .5 seconds. Screenshot!

4. Don’t post: A long rant about how sick of basement frat parties you are and how all you really want to do on a Saturday night is eat Ben and Jerry’s Core and watch Big Mouth in your bed. Post: “Bout to hold my own hair back! #beyourownbestfriend”

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