Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)

Maddy Schmidt is a junior from New Jersey studying Film & TV. SHE IS CURRENTLY ABROAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s that time of year again, when we’re all back on campus and dying to hang out with our friends in a big, public orgy. But the global pandemic has put some “necessary restrictions” on our favorite back-to-school tradition of group sex, so here are a few tips on how to navigate an orgy while still following BU’s covid guidelines.

1. Establish your bubble

In order to have freaky sex with your friend group, you first need to establish your bubble. BU and Boston guidelines currently ban unmasked gatherings of over 25 people, which obviously puts a damper on things. But if you gather 25 of your closest friends and strangers who you know are being safe, you can still have the giant, limb-flailing orgy you’ve been anticipating all of quarantine.

2. Masks on and “Rhett style” whenever possible

The annual Back 2 BU Orgy can get crazier than the kama sutra, but during covid it’s important for your faces to be masked and as far away as possible, even if your lower half is engaged in freaky coitus. Also, remember to sanitize between positions – but do not use hand sanitizer as lube!!! Trust us on this one!!!!!!!!!!!

3. No old people!

We know it’s tempting to bring your over-50 friends to the reunion orgy, but they are the most at-risk demographic. Plus, you don’t know what other orgies they’ve been to recently! Better safe than sorry – keep your orgy to 49 and under.

We hope you still have a great time, and remember: masks are condoms for your face, and condoms are condoms for…well, you know. Ok bye!

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