Cuffing season is upon us, and we’re here to help with the accompanying existential dread. We know that it’s hard to find a decent partner here at BU, so we have an innovative new solution to solve your cuffing season woes: get cuffed by a BUPD officer.
Yes, we mean you should get arrested.
Imagine getting tons of attention as you resist arrest, jamming to some tunes together in the back of the squad car (even if those tunes are just the siren), and of course, actually getting cuffed. Dreamy!
Now that we’ve enticed you with the prospect of getting cuffed by your very own BUPD officer, here are three easy steps to get it done.
1. Do Something Illegal
The first step to getting any prospective partners’ attention is to do something bold. In this case, break the law in outrageous fashion to attract your BUPD cuffing mate. You could do anything from breaking in to Panera Bread after hours to spray painting little hearts right on the outside of the police station. Really use your creativity on this one!
2. Flirt relentlessly with the officer who is questioning you.
It’s a little known fact, but police officers love when you try to play around with them as they’re questioning you about your illegal activity. Try doing fun, flirty little things like trying to run away from them (play hard to get), asking if you can play with their gun, and making physical contact with them by touching their nose or even giving them a little hug.
3. Get Cuffed
Once the arresting officer gets the message from all your cute flirting, they will (hand) cuff you immediately! When you get cuffed, celebrate your success by spending the night at their place (jail) and receiving expensive congratulations gifts to celebrate your new relationship (bail money)!
We hope this guide comes in handy this cuffing season, but if all else fails, you can always just date a Chad.