Wow. Your professor really sucks. You want to complain about her to your friends, but there’s one problem. You can’t think of anything to say that doesn’t sound like internalized misogyny.

She’s a real bitch. But can you say that? Isn’t that a word used to degrade women? I strive to use more gender neutral terms, like “asshole,” but feel free to get creative with your insults, as long as they aren’t detrimental to the female gender as a whole.

You may be tempted to call her voice shrill. To that I ask, why is a high voice an issue? Are you against people with high pitched voices, i.e. women? Maybe every time she speaks, it sounds like a cheese grater is being rubbed on your eardrums. Just keep it to yourself. It’s Women’s History Month.

She’s probably a bad mother. I mean, she has that TERF-y vibe. She would probably be the town whore in medieval Europe. When you fail your exam, you want to bring this up. You want to say, “Maybe I wouldn’t be failing this class if you weren’t too focused on being an idiot slut to teach!” Again. Shut your mouth. Hold in the anger.

Her hair is like, really heat damaged. And her makeup is crusty. She looks like a dehydrated clown after a night out, and dresses like a muppet. Sometimes when she talks in that stupid annoying high pitched kermit voice, you can almost picture Jim Henson’s hand up her ass. It is important that you don’t express any of this, because it has nothing to do with her personality or her lecture content. I mean, those suck too, but they don’t relate to her status as a woman. Or do they? It is a gender studies class.

Keep these things in mind next time you feel the need to call your professor a fugly cunt that crawled out of the gutter.

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