Graduation is fast approaching, and seniors everywhere are terrified to move to a new city and leave behind all their friends and everything that is familiar. But there are a few simple ways to make the transition to adulthood easier, and they all involve cutting everyone off so you can really start fresh. Without further ado, here’s how to burn all your bridges now so that when May comes, you have absolutely no attachments to anyone at Boston University, because we all know hating someone is easier than missing them.
1. Pick a fight
You won’t miss your best friend after graduation if you have a huge fight and vow to never speak again. Start with something small, like maybe calling her out on something annoying she does without realizing it. Accuse her of stealing all your nutella, or of being a terrible friend to you all 4 years even though you have never had a fight.
2. Subtweet, subtweet, subtweet
If you’d rather not have a direct confrontation with your bestie, just subtweet 24/7, and make it just obvious enough that she knows it’s about her but everyone else thinks it’s some vague relatable sentiment. Then when she tries to address it, just ignore her! When she complains, feel free to unfollow her on all social media, except Linkedin. Who knows when you might need her as a reference.
3. Give yourself a personality makeover
Another easy way to burn bridges before you leave is to become a totally new person. Dye your hair and wear spiky necklaces and say things like “I don’t need friends, they disappoint me.” No confrontation necessary – no one will want to be around you. Bridge burned, baby!
4. Cheat on a test
It’s important to burn your professional bridges too, so you don’t miss any of your favorite professors. Try plagiarizing something or cheating on an important test. It’ll be worth the mark on your permanent record if you don’t spend every second of post-grad yearning for your college days.
5. Burn down the BU Bridge
You will get arrested, and never be allowed in Boston again.