KENMORE STATION—Sources confirm that the MBTA’s Green Line has officially announced its travel itinerary to go to California for the winter.
“Who wouldn’t want to spend over three months in LA,” stated the Green Line. “78 and sunny all day every day. Plus, have you seen the LA Metro? That’s some good transportation.”
The train and its operators have already started packing their bags under the assumption that the overground line would definitely break down due to snow, and there is no reason to prolong its disappearance and thereby tease the Boston public into thinking it might work this year.
“Mark your calendars, fuckers. Between November 15th and March 1st, you’re on your own,” continued the Green Line.
Students studying abroad in Los Angeles were particularly unnerved by this announcement. “The sole reason I chose to study abroad was to escape the Green Line,” said Alex Nathan (COM ‘16). “Seriously, I didn’t care about the ‘experience’ or whatever. I just hated that screechy train.”
BU bus drivers also expressed concern. “I have no idea how we’ll handle the influx of students,” said Walter Crum, the fleet’s longest standing driver. “There’s already always a 50% chance of vomit on the bus, and if the Green Line isn’t here, that number will skyrocket.”
At press time, the BU Shuttle was desperately seeking a travel agent.