MARSH CHAPEL EXTERIOR — Two weeks ago the famous Greek Rock was vandalized by anti-vax posters plastered on each side. Hours later the rock tested positive, experiencing whooping coughs, trouble breathing and shedding layers of paint. 

Some suspect that a secret underground group, The Terrier Anti-Vax Club is behind these attacks. On an unofficial Facebook group last week, numerous threats were made about attacks on BU’s SHS building, CVS and the Barnes and Noble Book Store. Many wonder why the bookstore would be on that list but some speculate attacks will be directed in the textbook drop-off/pick-up station.

“It’s about them sending a message.” said one biology professor. “But attacks on esteemed literature will not be tolerated. Especially when I wrote the textbook. How dare they.”

The Bunion asked the Greek Rock to comment on the issue with little progress being made until a fraternity brother was called on-site to translate for better understanding.

“He says ‘My body, my choice. How about that you stupid anti-vaxxers?’” translated the brother. “I think the rock will be fine. We’ll just make one of our pledges patch up the wound with another rock painting.” 

After questioning, the rock was given its first dose of the Pfizer vaccine. How it was administered is unknown, as the rock is well… a rock. And other information remains classified for unknown reasons. The rock looks forward to being repainted again.

Leave a Reply