Listen up, Greg’s family, because you all have gone over the line and you need to cut it out. We get it, Greg’s family. Greg’s a cool guy. He’s graduating. And I’m not here to tell you that you shouldn’t be happy for him. It just kind of feels like you’re trying to rub it in everyone’s face. It’s not cool, Greg’s family, and you need to stop.
I’m not trying to say you shouldn’t be excited, Greg’s family, but it’s still finals period and you’ve already been on campus for two weeks. I’m a little sick of sitting in the first floor of the library studying while watching ten of you looking at the Martin Luther King Jr. display and saying “that’s gonna be our Greggy someday.” Spoiler alert: it’s not.
And I’m not trying to say you can’t make an obligatory Facebook post, but an entire photo album? Greggy’s Graduation Groupies? Give me a break. And not only that, you’ve captioned all 179 photos with a different congratulatory message to Greg. And then all 15 of Greg’s aunts and uncles commented on each one individually saying “Aww our little Greggy is so handsome, so proud of you big guy.” You realize the more you comment, the more all of these posts get into my newsfeed? My NowThis and Tastemade videos don’t even pop up anymore. And handsome? Let’s be real, Greg’s like a 6, tops.
We get it, Greg’s family. You support Greg. And I’m not saying you shouldn’t. I’m happy for Greg too. Just, maybe don’t write “Congratulations Greg!” in skywriting or pay to make the scoreboard on Nickerson Field say “We love you, Greg!” Don’t stop every passerby on the street and say, “Hey, did you hear that our Greggy is graduating? Are you friends with him?” There are 18,000 students here, and 4,000 of them are graduating. Just, please, give it a rest and get some perspective. Greg is cool, but you’ve really taken it too far.