by Shannon Damiano
Grace Donahue

Grace is a freshman in CGS, so yes she’s very confused on what she’s doing. Really, someone go help her; she got lost in the GSU.

GoPuff, your favorite brand for that one girl who’s totally trying to be an Instagram influencer, has launched its new feminist branch for all those monthly deliveries. StopFlo: for all those 2 a.m. chocolate cravings, enough Advil to sedate a whole frat, and that tampon you totally thought you put in your bag.

 

Deliveries are made by StopFlo’s new spokeswoman and  generous delivery lady, Auntie Flo. She looks like that soul-sucking insurance lady, just dressed up in a red suit, ready to bring little red tote bags to the vaginas of BU.  

 

“It’s totally changing the game,” says Gretchen George (SAR ‘22). “Now I can order tampons at midnight which is perfect since my red sea usually parts in the middle of the night!”  

 

In addition to solving all your shark week woes, StopFlo wants to help empower women.  Similarly to it’s daddy brand, micro-influencers can help their friends save money through referral codes.When asked about this newest display of feminst entrepreneurship, Suzie Tyler (COM ‘24) said she felt really empowered by StopFlo.

 

“Like five of my friends signed up through my discount code, it’s REDARMY10 by the way, so I decided to add a business minor in case this goes any further,” Tyler said.

 

True fans of the brand have created a cult-like following, claiming they are infected with ‘Scarlet Fever.’. This outward display of the monthly bill of womanhood discourse has men on campus extremely  confused. When stopped for an interview, one Chad Michael (QST ‘21)thought that all this red wedding fuss was getting too political.

 

“I guess all the girls on campus are communists now?. They carry these weird red bags and some lady in a red suit keeps running around campus yelling, ‘eliminate the pink tax,’ Michael said. “I’m personally a moderate, so it all looks pretty stupid to me.”

 

At press time, GoPuff launched a new brand NoBro, for their patented ‘cold shower effect’ pills for all those wrong place, wrong time erections. The brand seeks to include the men who felt left out by the StopFlo craze. 

 

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