Photoshopped by Cassie Berta (COM '21)
Emma Simonoff (COM '21)

Emma Simonoff is a Sophomore studying Film and TV.

RICH HALL— A crowd gathered on the 11th floor of Rich Hall Tuesday night when a cacophony was heard from the girl’s bathroom. Girls packed themselves into the bathroom and boys peeked through the doors to see the cause of the racket.

Two showers were running. In one, a girl blasted music from a shower speaker. In the second, another girl blasted music from her shower speaker.

“It was crazy,” said 11th floor resident Flora Berkman (CAS ‘23). “I didn’t know there were two of them.”

“I mean, I knew there was a Shower Speaker Girl,” said 11th floor resident Tammy Canver (SHA ‘23). “I hear her all the time. I always just assumed it was one girl who, like, showered a lot.”

Most other residents were similarly perplexed, except one. “How could there be only one girl with a shower speaker?” Sarah Glassy (QST ‘23) said. “And if there is more than one, how could they never shower at the same time? Statistically, this was bound to happen.”

As the crowd gathered, the duel intensified. Right Shower Speaker Girl raised her volume. Left Shower Speaker Girl raised her volume higher. Right Girl asked Siri to play Sia. Left Girl put on her “Getting Pumped Jams” playlist. It was a fight to the death and neither Shower Speaker Girl was backing down.

Finally, the RA, Todd Stevens (SAR ‘21), who really didn’t want to deal with this, couldn’t ignore the noise any longer. As a boy, Stevens couldn’t actually enter the bathroom, and the girls, wanting to protect their identities and turf, refused to get out of their showers, so Stevens mediated the fight from the hall. They agreed to make a schedule of their showers so they could each have their own, separate, very disruptive shower speaker time.

“This is part of our RA training,” Stevens said. “They make us practice with the CPR dolls. Shower speakers are a powerful thing.”

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