At approximately 4:15 AM on Tuesday morning, a giant stepped on one of the huge blue Lego blocks outside of Pavement Café, according to witness reports.
“Who put that there?” asked the monster of human appearance but prodigious size and strength. “Seriously, who would think that is a good place for that?”
The enormous creature of myth, whose kind was made known to the world in literary works such as Homer’s The Odyssey, Roald Dahl’s The BFG, and The Old Testament, said he had not been wearing any shoes.
“I just got up to go to the bathroom,” said the giant, who declined to give his name. “I stepped on [the object], and it really, really hurt.”
While Lego blocks are normally on the scale of a few centimeters, the over-sized blue blocks on BU’s campus are several feet in length and height, a proportion which the giant says is a threat to the safe nocturnal passage of any and all creatures of similarly gargantuan proportions.
Drawing from his experience in raising four children he describes as “creative,” Alfrigg Jørnsson, Dean of Sidewalk Decoration, says he empathizes with the giant.
“The corners on those things are ridiculously pointy, it’s unbelievably painful,” Jørnsson admitted. “We fully understand the concerns voiced by what may or may not be a fictitious entity. However, we still feel that the Lego block is performing its intended purpose, and must not be removed.”
When asked about the intended purpose, Jørnsson reportedly leaned back in his chair, widened his eyes, and nodded.
Other students reported their confusion with the object’s purpose.
“Am I supposed to sit on it?“ asked Samuel Pobberstock (CAS ‘15). “It looks like I am, but I’m still not 100 percent sure.”
The colorful plastic block is located on the sidewalk outside of Pavement Café and the BU Engineering Building, and a similar reproduction of the popular children’s product can be found on Harvard Avenue.
At press time, the stupid fucking blue block was still just sitting there on the sidewalk like an idiot.