By: Madison Lauricella

  1. Get rejected from an internship 

Once you see that “Thanks for your interest…unfortunately”, you already know what’s happening. They’re slightly proud of you for trying, but there’s still a sense of rejection. But don’t worry! Keep trying and maybe one day they’ll congratulate you! Or you can go around them and just apply for a job (talk to your mom). 

  1. Argue In the youtube comment section

Even if you’re right, you’re wrong. Wrong for attempting to argue with the void. You could draft a long, well thought out point, just to be followed up with a ‘no’. Go comment under a 12 year old Harry potter theory video or tell your dad why your major isn’t useless. Either way, you’ll come out defeated, exhausted, and unsure of why you started this in the first place.

  1. Watch a sports game with no sound or context and then heavily debate it for the next 2 hours

Any sport will work here, and tbh they’re all the same to me. The key is to have absolutely no idea what’s going on, at any point. Much like in lecture, absorb nothing at all. Then have an in depth talk about it for the next couple of hours. Try to form some solid ideas while being head empty, and turn to silent nodding when in doubt.

  1. Listen to late 90s/ early 2000s rock music

POV: it’s 2010 and you’re in the back of your dad’s car after a trip to mcdonalds. He turns the volume dial to a level that’s not quite medium but is still loud enough to hear if you try. It’s always the same alt rock music that’s slightly misogynistic and only relatable to men over 35. It’s definitely not an enjoyable experience, but at least you’re not sitting in silence. 

  1. Stare at a wall

No talking needed here. Just awkwardly stare ahead while sitting in silence. Oh yeah, brings back memories of dear ole’ dad.

  1. Ask your professor a simple question and listen to them ramble for half an hour

This one might even improve your grade! Simply go to office hours and ask: “What type of citations should I use?” If your professor is anything like your dad who just watched a 3 hour WW2 documentary, you’ll be there for days! No need for you to reply to this rant response, just sit there and pretend to know what’s going on. It’s nice to spend time together. 

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