CAS—Professor Jean Henson was reportedly overly friendly to students today during his philosophy class, most likely looking for a way to get more drugs.

“Yeah, he was so chill! Jean is the shit, he said we can call him on his personal cell anytime we want,” said Jimmy Linman (CAS ’17). “I’d totally hang out with the dude outside of class.”

Other students were a little more skeptical about the professor’s new friendly façade.

“I’ve seen this act before,” said Tracy Dernst (COM ’18). “Professor Henson is probably just looking for a new weed guy. Every once in a while a professor will start sucking up to us. The guys all wanna be friends with him and the girls all think he’s flirting with them. But really, I think he just wants some weed and is trying to be resourceful.”

Students in the philosophy class had noticed that it was strange that he hadn’t been ordering pizzas in the past week like usual.

Reports claim that the professor was seen schmoozing with students and offering “alternative” office hours that would be held off campus if everyone was just down to chill.

“We’re all buddies here, just trying to figure out the ways of the world, right?” said Professor Henson. “And remember, he who helps his neighbor shall be helped back. That’s a key part of all philosophy.”

At press time, Shady Tim stayed behind after class to “ask the professor some questions about the study guide.”

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