WARREN TOWERS—After 63 meals, six frat parties, and two all-nighters together, a group of Boston University freshmen realized that they have no idea what any of their friends’ names are.
“Ice breakers are scary,” said member of the group, Michelle Hinkle (CAS ’19), or as her friends like to call her ‘You Over There’, “I was so busy reciting my fun fact that made me seem quirky yet independent, that I didn’t listen to what anyone else had to say. That was three weeks ago.”
“Have you talked to any of them yet? The blonde one? How about the very good looking lacrosse player? You can’t reveal your sources? PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME,” You Over There said while swiping through all of her untagged Instagrams with her “best friends.”
The group has refrained from using social media because they have not been able to find each other on Facebook, Instagram, Splatster, Crumbles, or Linked In. Thus all plans have to be made in a group chat titled “DUDES4LIFE” in which everyone has been assigned a different emoji for their contact information.
“Statistically speaking, I have a good chance at guessing their names,” said Ned Flesbin (CAS ’19), a statistics major whose friends like to call him ‘Do My Homework, Slave’. “The most common name in the world is Mohammed, so if I call them all that, chances are I’m right about one of them.”
Another member of the group, Nick Misto (SMG ’19) is not as concerned about the situation as his peers.
“I’ve bagged 3 out of 4 of the blonde ones” said Misto, “What is this article about?”
At press time, You Over There was trying to contact Do My Homework, Slave’s RA to find out his name, unaware that RA’s have to keep most information confidential.