500 YARDS AWAY—After three weeks of attending Boston University, Anthony McCarthy (QST ’19) has officially filed a restraining order against his FYSOP group.

McCarthy made the formal complaint to Suffolk County Court last week after feeling “harassed” by his upperclassmen staff leaders and fellow first-year volunteers that he met during the First Year Student Outreach Project.

“They would track me down between classes to do those stupid cheers. You know, like, Brown Squirrel, Little Red Wagon, Tarzan,” McCarthy said. “And they’ve been texting the groupme non-stop. I only downloaded it for them in the first place. Do you know how to remove my number from that?”

McCarthy noted that other reasons for the restraining order included his group’s constant need to meet up for lunch everyday, their overuse of the word “reunited” upon every meeting since FYSOP, and their insistence on snapping at everything instead of clapping.

Patty Hennessey (CAS ’16) served as McCarthy’s staff leader for the week and is distraught by the news of the lawsuit.

“During the week of FYSOP, Anthony really opened up to us,” she said, fiddling with the yellow yarn bracelet that once united her FYSOP group. “We loved him like a brother,” she added, citing the time he led West Dining Hall in a massive Tarzan cheer, as he danced shirtless on the vegan station countertop.

“I met my boyfriend during FYSOP,” said Hennessey, while she fiddled with a brown yarn bracelet, which appeared a lot more worn than the yellow one, the green one, and the blue one.

“I met myself,” said Hennessey’s boyfriend.

Despite all of the memories that had been made during FYSOP, both McCarthy and Hennessey will be lawyering up in the coming days, an expense that is partially funded by your undergraduate fee.

At press time, McCarthy was detagging himself from all Facebook photos from FYSOP, except for his profile picture. He got a lot of likes on that one.

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