RICH HALL—Last night John Davis (SHA ‘19) received a butt dial from Becky Crane (SHA ‘19) which he mistook for a booty call.

“Sure, it was silent on the other end of the line,” said Davis. “But that just made it all the more alluring. I like the silent type. I’m into it!”

Davis reportedly met Crane at orientation session 3, and hasn’t spoken to her since.

“I know, I know, it doesn’t make any sense! But sex is sex and I’m 18” said a noticeably defensive Davis.

“When he got the call he rushed out of the room exclaiming that it was ‘on’,” said Teddy Baxter (CAS ’19), John’s roommate. “Then he ran right back in and made a big deal about grabbing a box of condoms and one of those free ones that they give out at SHS.”

Davis’ roommates dismiss the entire encounter as asinine.

At press time, seventeen men were waiting outside of Becky’s door with seventeen boxes of condoms.

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