CAS — This past semester, the Romance Studies department was thrilled to see that a single student had enrolled in sixteen credits within their department. The news spread quickly around the department and each professor was extremely excited to meet this aspiring polyglot.
However, it seems that this enrollment was a mistake. The Bunion did an exclusive interview with the student, who requested to remain anonymous.
“Yeah, I really just joined the department to learn how to pull bad biddies” stated the student, “so I was super disappointed to have to do all this boring stuff.”
In the seven-minute interview, the student mentioned his frat affiliation 15 times (yes, we counted).
“I thought all the grammar and stuff was just building the groundwork for the pickup line unit,” he said, further elaborating that “I literally already speak American so I have no idea why all this grammar is necessary.”
Unfortunately, the student said he didn’t realize the mistake until the Drop without a W period had already passed. He decided to stick the classes out, as he was concerned that a semester of straight W’s would “seriously jeopardize the chances at getting a job at [his] dad’s hedge fund.”
Yesterday, we caught up with the student. He was very excited to share a pickup line which he recently “deployed” in an unsuspecting girl’s Zoom DMs in Portuguese class: “Hey girl, do you care about the rainforest? Well, this hard-wood is 100% conflict-free. I just got cleared of all wrongdoing by the IFC ;)”
Surprisingly, the student brought our conversation to academics. He was excited to share that he seems to have found a genuine interest in a language, much to the department’s joy. “I’m actually thinking about picking up a French minor,” he said.