BOSTON—John Silber, 25-year president of Boston University and known sorcerer, passed away earlier today. Sources say that the effects of Silber’s departure can already be felt on campus as the effects of his magical curse have already begun to fade.
“I was walking down Silber Way earlier and I didn’t feel the eerie chill in my soul that I normally do,” said one employee of the Office of the Provost at 1 Silber Way, referring to the curse that the former BU president had placed on the street after his resignation as a reminder to the community of his power. “I went online to see if anything had happened to Silber, and sure enough, he was already gone.” Other students who often travel down Silber Way recall a general feeling of sadness and unease in their hearts that was notably absent this afternoon. “I feel like some huge weight has been lifted,” said one student. “I can finally live again!”
Silber, a controversially conservative and sometimes tyrannical president and Chancellor of the university until 2003, often met criticism for his views on moral relativism. Proponents of the magical wizard regard him highly for the increase in status and quality he brought to BU through his various spells, alchemy, and mind-control. “I mean, he did a lot of really cool things” remarked one person at a remembrance service. “He had a lot of influence around here. I know he placed curses on a bunch of other things besides [Silber Way]. Like have you been in the third-floor CAS bathrooms after dark? Spooky.”
Bunion Reporters went to the Office of the President to receive a statement from President Brown but were turned away by his secretary. At press time, a voice could be heard from within President Brown’s office saying “I’m free! I’m finally free!”