Maddy Schmidt (COM '21)

Maddy Schmidt is a sophomore from New Jersey studying Film & TV. She likes kombucha for the taste.

EVERY MALL EVER—Famed fast fashion chain Forever 21 has just announced bankruptcy, at long last making the brand marketable to actual 21 year olds, who are notoriously broke.

“After high school, I started to feel like their clothes were a little young for me,” says Kaylee Scrapp (COM ‘20). “But then I heard they were going broke, and I was like, oh, maybe this brand is for my age group.”

Many 21 year olds now report feeling a kind of kinship with the store, which was between $1 billion and $10 billion in debt to over 100,000 creditors.

“It’s like, yes sis, I also owe between $1 and $10 billion dollars to over 100,000 creditors,” said a 21 year old who wishes to remain anonymous as he hides from student loan sharks.

“I used to think their clothes were a little cheap, but now I realize that yeah, as a fellow broke 21 year old, I’m also cheap,” says Tori Gellar (CAS ‘19). “Gotta save where you can, right? They just chose to save money by using see-through material made by child slaves.”

Forever 21 reported feeling overwhelmed by the bankruptcy, but at least she’s old enough to drink.

Editor’s note: Founded in 1984, Forever 21 is actually 35 and is therefore a millennial.

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