BU TRACK AND TENNIS CENTER— After more than a month of discourse and opposition from BU students, the Young Americans for Freedom group at Boston University announced that controversial figure Ben Shapiro would no longer be hosted by them on campus. Instead, a new speaker named ‘Shen Bapiro’ would take the exact date, time, and location of Shapiro’s engagement.
“I am Shen Bapiro,” Bapiro responded when asked to comment. “Definitely not some other guy with a similar sounding, yet alliterated name.”
Bapiro, who looks identical to Shapiro except for a large, Mario-style mustache, was unaware that Shapiro was set to speak at BU at the very same engagement Bapiro would now fill.
“What are the odds, right? We have rhyming names, identical political philosophies, and we both hate BU alum and Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, but would do anything–literally anything– for her to notice me and passionately debate me while those beautiful, fierce, and intelligent eyes stare deep into my soul,” Bapiro said. “I’m sorry, what was the question?”
When pressed to answer why Bapiro had replaced Shapiro, the Young Americans for Freedom group pointed to the hostility of the atmosphere surrounding the event.
“Political demonstrations, petitions, and a security fee costing thousands of dollars is one thing,” said club leaders. “But when the BU meme page gets involved, we need to take a step back and realize the impact of our actions.”
When asked to comment, the BU Administration shrugged, made a vague noise, waved their hands noncommittally, before hurriedly changing the topic to hockey.