Photoshopped by David Simon (COM '21)
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Zack is a freshman from Maryland currently enrolled in CGS. He doesn't like to talk about that last part.

FITREC – Many BU students’ frustrations of a lack of lockers have now been solved. The case was cracked last Sunday night when BU alum Jim Littleworth was caught opening and searching through multiple Fitrec lockers. What at first seemed to be a simple case of thievery turned out to be a long-term fraud con.

The 46 year-old Littleworth was found to have stored food, old books, dirty laundry, Ikea furniture, pagan sacrifices, eldritch horrors, and gym clothes in the FitRec lockers without ever paying for a membership.

When asked for a quote, Littleworth said “Have you seen the prices they charge at U-Store? Borderline thievery. If I just use my old BU ID here, I get free lockers and a free gym membership.”

Littleworth is likely to face 2-6 years in prison for fraud, however BU students are pushing for more.

Anne Gree (CAS ‘21), comments, “I can’t count how many times I’ve had to carry my jacket and backpack around the gym because I can’t get a locker. This guy deserves a life sentence. And it explains that eldritch horror smell.”

Dante Faust (CGS 23’) was ecstatic that the locker problem was solved, stating “I’m so happy there will finally be more open lockers at the FitRec. Now I just need to find out which Fitrec personnel I sold my soul to so I could rent a volleyball for 15 minutes.”

At press time, Littleworth’s attorney has yet to make a statement, however one eldritch horror has vowed to act as a witness against him.

It seems the prosecution has the case locked down.

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