FITREC—Reports have confirmed that a guy with big muscles at FitRec can lift five more pounds on the arm curl machine than a guy with puny small muscles at FitRec, and is therefore a superior being.

“Oh yeah, that burns and also builds my huge muscles,” Tad Anderson (CAS ‘15) screamed to other attendees of the gym after an unusually intense set of 15 tricep reps at 95 pounds.

“I am large, and I am in charge,” Anderson continued, before pointing at Brett Dent (SMG ’15) arbitrarily.  “I can kick that kid’s ass, I bet. My muscles are bigger than his.”

“I just did 14 tricep reps at 90 pounds,” said Dent while Anderson snickered quietly to himself in the distance. “I don’t understand why everyone here is so aggressive, I’m just glad to be meeting my New Year’s goals.”

“I’ve been inspired to slim down after my uncle died of heart disease hastened by his large size,” Dent said while using the rowing machine.

“I’m just a machine. Hail to the king, baby!” said Anderson, the strong man, lifting 85 pound tibial weights in the leg room.

“It’s just hard being this great,” said Anderson, before witnessing other guy with big muscles Chad Mitchell (SAR ’14) take a turn on the same machine with a whopping 95 pounds of pure, cold steel.

“Nice job with those 85 pounders on the tibial muscle machine, man,” Mitchell said sarcastically after he outweighed Anderson. “I could kick your ass I bet, kid.”

At press time, Mitchell, Anderson and Dent were each busy reading a Muscle and Fitness magazine article on how to smash wood with your hands.

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