EAST CAMPUS—After staying up all night writing a paper and then subsequently falling asleep just as he was supposed to take his final exam, BU student Matthew Lane (CAS ‘12) is ready to admit “things are not going well.”

“That hour during my exam was the only time I’ve slept in four days, so that kind of sucks,” Lane said, his hands shaking while he checked to see if any coffee remained in mess of dirty cups strewn about his desk. This semester, Lane’s final papers and tests worked out perfectly so that every day a major part of his semester grades are due. “Yeah, I guess my schedule was pretty unlucky. Oop, my nose is bleeding again.”

On top of all the work he has to get done, Lane has been struggling to find a place to be productive. “I was studying in the photonics building for a while, but then I saw the girl I’ve had a crush on for three months making out with some guy from my ethics class,” Lane reported, while his computer crashed for the third time that day. “So I guess I won’t be studying there anymore.”

When he returned to his room, Lane attempted to take a short break to watch a Christmas movie, but found his roommate speaking so loudly on the phone to his mother about how easy his exams were that he was not able to enjoy it.

“I’ve drank so much coffee that it feels like I have rocks in my stomach,” Lane said. “I keep feeling like I have to poop, but nothing comes out. It’s almost comforting actually, knowing that the pain in my bowels is enduring all this with me.”

All of Lane’s close friends have finished their exams, while he must remain on campus until the last day of finals. “Whenever I start to be productive, my mind wanders and I begin to contemplate the meaninglessness of it all,” Lane reported, as his eye produced a single tear, which he didn’t seem to notice. “Like, what if there is no heaven?  What if when we die, it’s just nothingness.  What if this is really it?  Thoughts like that make it hard to care about Psych 101.”

When asked to comment, all of Lane’s professors reported that he will “probably just get a B anyway.”

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