SOMEWHERE THAT’S NOT BOSTON — With the Boston University campus shut down for the semester, students have transitioned to doing their classwork at home. This means all the rigor of an on-campus education, with none of the usual fun. Although this change is challenging for all, one demographic is taking it particularly hard: the extroverts.

“I can’t do it,” said Chad Rolo (CGS ‘21), via Zoom call from his beachside safehouse. “The boys and I were gonna throw a rager here over spring break, but we had to cancel it. I haven’t seen anybody since then. What am I supposed to do? Play beer pong by myself? I gotta see people! I’m losing it, man!”

When The Bunion spoke with him, Chad had only been alone in his beach house for twelve hours.

To combat this issue, Boston University has come up with a plan. “Every extrovert will be paired with a Support Introvert,” announced Dean Elmore. “Someone to guide them through their ‘frat party withdrawal.’ And also to keep them from calling the Howard Thurman Center seven times a day asking to play virtual beer pong. I said no, Chad.”

The Support Introvert assigned to Chad is Erika Fulmer (CAS ‘22), whose hobbies include reading, and whatever else introverts do. “Chad is making some really good progress,” she told The Bunion in an interview. “He calls me when he needs an idea for an indoor activity, or just wants to talk. Last night, he taught me how to play virtual beer pong. I’m helping him, and at the same time learning so much! It’s a mutually beneficial relationship, really.”

Fulmer and Chad both agree that this could be the start of a “weird, but not too-weird” friendship.

At press time, the author of this article accepted an invitation to join their virtual beer pong game.

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